faydepwns (faydepwns) wrote,

My Heart is in Cali

This past week I've been away at a camp called "Cougar Quest" in Pullman, Washington (the home of WSU) During the course of the week, I've been some freaking amazing people, made the friends of a life-time, and more.

Going to camp, I was thinking,

"crap, since I went last year, this year is probably gonna be like, shitty compared to last year...."

except for the fact that I was rooming with my friend holly (or Penis McPhee also know as Jackie-O as the week later went on)who is from boston so I rarely see her yet talk on the phone with her almost daily since we are so tight. So first of, I arive late to the getting to know you things and miss out on some fun activities and never got truly introduced to my social gizzle/hall homies (thats what we call our groups at camp since we came up with it last year) So I was like, damnit, my week is already starting off crappy. Then of course, it seemed like no cool people(as in people who I thought seemed interesting)actually came and made an attempt to talk to us. So this resulted in sitting with some of my friends fromt the previous year at dinner that night, and we all caught up on the year since we'd last seen each other, except holly kind of was left out since it was her first year.

Anyways, so we are later told that we are going to the practice football field next to Martin Stadium. We got a soccer game going which was pretty fun, since I knew some of the soccer players from last year. Then I noticed that this kid with black hair with a red streak in the front was playing soccer. I pointed him out to holly and was like,

"look holly the emo/scene kid from earlier plays soccer, how cool is that!"

So as we are playing, the emo kid and his friend wearing the superman shirt aproach me and state,

"your new name will be staci, okay?"

I laughed and was like, sure what the heck, new names are fun. During the game we made alot of passes together and there was kind of a connection between all of us. They went to sit down and take a brake and asked me if I wanted to come, so I did, after asking holly if she wanted to come too. So we sat and talked, and there was this sort of instant click between me and the emo kid. We introduced ourselves, myself and holly, to tim (superman) and casey (emo kid). We sat and talked a bit more and eventually went back to playing. Right before we had to leave we agreed to eat together the next day at breakfast and took this picture of ouselves:

people from left to right:

casey, tim, myself, holly

After that we all became so extremely tight.

Now let me state this, I came into camp with a boyfriend so keep this in mind.

As the week went on even more, there was some flirting between myself and casey and we soon realized that we liked each other. I simply passed this off as innocent flirting and that it would all end and be forgotten when camp was over. Well as camp progressed, me and casey began to get really close, we talked on our phones everynight and quickly became really good friends. At this point the feelings between us began to worry me a bit.

By the last day I was in tears over how much I'd miss him and we talked sooo much about how much we would miss each other, we then realized that we could see each other for one more day.

Heres what happened:
We realized that holly and our friend kyle lived in albion, which is next to pullman and casey lived in moscow, Idaho, which is also near pullman. Casey and Kyle had planned on going out to a club that night and invited us to come with them and some other people who casey knew and another girl from camp (casey's cousin, anna) I was absolutely thrilled to be going to a club with them (after I got permission to stay at holly's and to go to the club)

Lets just say at the club, there was a bit of bumping and grinding that just intensified how much we'd miss each other even more. As the time for me and holly to leave got closer, I was practically in tear, me and casey went off to a corner and sat and talked. Without thinking, I turned to him, leaned in and whispered,

"before the night is over, can I have at least one kiss, just to see what it would be like if we could really be together"

he then responded with,

"lets make it last incase we never get the chance again"

it was the greatest feeling I'd had in my entire life. Yet also the saddest, I kissed him because I felt like there was this extreme connection between us, and because I knew I may not see him for another year, or maybe ever again. Like I said before, it was the most amazing kiss I'd ever felt. I mean there was the fire works, the music, the feeling of ruling the world, and of being held by the one person you wanted to be held by.

Since then we've talked on the phone at least once a day, telling each other about our pasts, and using our time appart to get to know each other without the sexual feelings barging in the way. He at one point has said,

"I feel like I've finnally found my girl, but when it's happened, it turns out she lives two states away"

I just wish we lived closer. Everytime I talk to him, I get this feeling of being alone because I know he is so far away and the thing we want so much can never be.

So we agreed that we are going to try our hardest to make this last, so that when we can finally be together, we will, and if the connection lasts that long, then we know we are meant to be. I know I'm only 15, but I firmly beleive that you can encounter love in highschool, and this is definitely one of those situations.

After that week, I feel awkward around my boyfriend, and I haven't gotten the guts to tell him, but I know it has assured me that we are not meant to be, since I've had those feelings before.

So tomorrow, my heart is flying to California. A place so far away that it makes me want to cry. I can only hope that we are able to make as much of this situation as we can and maybe if this stands the test of time, truly be together.
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